4. Learn how to ***insert word that rhymes with “pastorgate”***
I’m telling you this now because you’ll likely be a much happier person if you’re able to, um, “make yourself happy” without the assistance of others. If you need more details, you should probably go ask your mom. Or one of your white classmates.
5. Eat your vegetables
I hate (most) vegetables, but your mom seems to love them. Since your mom is banging — and since banging women have (somewhat) easier lives — I’d suggest you start emulating her. Eat your veggies and shit.
6. When in dating doubt, always err on the side of making things harder for the guy
He needs to convince you that he’s worthy of being in your life, not the other way around.